File Under: Sweet Revenge

Because a big headed bald kid can only be pushed so far!

(Snoopy seems to approve)

File Under: Purple Stuff vs Sunny Delight (the war wages on)

Purple Stuff... now sold SIDE BY SIDE 

with its arch-competitor Sunny D! 

(Because the refrigerator just wasn't big enough to contain their eternal battle.)

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens stills... REDUX!

Avengers 2: The Age of Ultron stills... redux

At long last... the return of Movie Lessons!

Fight Club – You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

Machete – Machete don’t text.

Machete Kills - Machete don't Tweet

Lost Boys 2: The Tribe – When Corey Feldman uses his gravely voice, that means he’s a bad ass.

 

Batman – Batman, the genius crime fighter who plans for any possible situation, is capable of designing a jet that can be shot down with a single bullet. 

Mars Attacks – Still having 2 out of 3 of the branches of government left alive ain’t bad.

Terminator Salvation – Nuclear explosions and radiation have no effect on John Conner.

The Box – You probably shouldn’t press that button.

White Men Can’t Jump – While I own many of his albums and consider myself a fan, I have never heard Jimi Hendrix.

Men at Work – There is indeed something sacred about a man’s fries.

 

Sleepwalkers – Corncobs can be deadly weapons.

The Great Outdoors – Hotdogs are made from lips and asses.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Wearing a trench coat and fedora will provide the perfect disguise for any six foot tall anthropomorphic reptile.

Apocalypse Now – Napalm smells like gasoline… and victory.

Harry Potter and the “--------------” – Hogwarts doesn’t give a crap about the Houses of Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.

 

Star Trek: Into Darkness – Apparently the blood of Khan, a genetically engineered super human, can heal any disease and raise the dead.

Star Trek: Into Darkness – Apparently Earth’s leaders had no use for the all-curing and resurrecting blood of Khan and his genetically engineered superhuman brethren and would rather send them floating off into space in a cryogenic stasis.

 

Captain America: The Winter Soldier - Gary Shandling is a bad man.

File Under: Christmastime for Batman

Thanksgiving Is Upon Us!

 

          HAPPY THANKSGIVING from the Enigma Society!

File Under: Too Much Candy!

Happy Halloween from the Enigma Society!

File Under - TOO EXPENSIVE!

On the other hand, you'd have years worth of Christmas gifts for people you hate!

Enigma Society's Thesis Topics for School Papers

Writing an essay for school... what a nightmare. Where do you even begin? Whether its for high school or college, at some point you will be assigned a major paper that will require a thesis statement to base the entire topic around.  But fear not! As per our community service requirements (after our latest failed bid at world conquest) we at the Enigma Society are providing, absolutely free of charge, a list of possible Thesis Topics... each one bound to earn you a great deal of attention. You're welcome!

THESIS TOPICS

- The 70's: A Great Time to Have a Mustache

- The Case for Harvesting the Organs of Orphans

- The Moon Belongs to America!

- Daytime Television and the Nazi Agenda

- Late Night Television and the Marxist Agenda

- Puerto Rico Should Secede from the Union!

- The Call for Colonial Unity in the Face of Our New England Oppressors

- I Want My Leaded Gasoline Back!

- Building an Army of Killer Robots on a Working Man's Budget

- The Good Old Days Sucked!

- If All the Animals and Even the Plants Can Kill Them, What Do the Humans in Pokemon World Eat?

- Dolphins Are Delicious

- Lets Nuke Mars: Who Will Miss It?

- Cats VS Dogs: Who Tastes Better?

- Cancer: Not Cool God, Not Cool

Happy Birthday Detroit

yes, you may have fallen on hard times. you been described by Jeremy Clarkson as

“God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place." 

but still happy birthday from the enigma society and Nain Rouge 

P.S - i am totally looking forward to Robocop happening in real life now.

Lil Cthulhu

Useless Super Powers

The power to sweat on command
The ability to find the needle in the haystack
The power to recite lottery numbers from 1957
The ability to see through screen doors
The power to hear corpses
The ability to communicate with condiment packets
The power to cause spontaneous-combustion to your pants
The ability to recite from memory every episode of Facts of Life
The power to command leaves to do your bidding
The ability to recite Pi to 3,975 places while submerged
The power to grant yourself sexual frustration
The ability to see every color except purple
The power to manipulate cottage cheese to do your bidding
The ability to know whether or not it's a comb-over
The power to channel Abraham Lincoln through a really great shadow puppet in his likeness
The ability to know if clothing fits simply by trying it on
The power to know if it's raining in Tuscon, Arizona
The ability to change the color of your urine
The power to felate your enemies
The ability to travel back in time to exactly one second ago
The power to grant boulders wings

Just in Time For Christmas... It's More Movie Lessons!

Lost Boys – Children are perfectly capable of killing several vampires all by themselves.

Live Free or Die Hard – John McClane can defy physics.

Monster Squad – Using dynamite, Dracula will destroy the tree houses of the school children who threaten him.  

Home Alone – A child can effectively take out a couple of burglars invading his home using a series of traps.

Skyfall – A secret agent can effectively take out a small army of mercenaries invading his home using a series of traps.

Young Guns – Hollywood will never let a little thing like “historical accuracy” get in the way of an outlandish and contrived story.

Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone – Americans are too stupid to know what a Philosopher’s Stone is, despite the film explaining it. 

Prometheus – Following directions to an alien world laid out on a prehistoric cave painting is not only a great idea but will lead to a wonderful adventure filled with genetic abominations.

Westworld – Don’t pick fights with robot gunslingers.

Zardoz – Only Sean Connery is man enough to pull off red bandoleers, red thigh high hooker boots and a speedo and still be sexier than you. 

Fight Club – Liposuctioned fat makes for great soap.

Cloak and Dagger – Imaginary friends are awesome!

The Matrix – Downloading martial arts techniques into one’s brain will instantly make that person a master of Kung Fu, completely bypassing the many years of rigorous physical training and intense mental discipline that everyone else must endure.  

The Avengers – It is a great idea to have your massive flying aircraft carrier cloaked into invisibility while in midair where, you know, airliner jets fly.

The Dark Knight Rises – If terrorists with a make-shift nuclear weapon take an entire major American city hostage, the United States government will just have a “wait and see” attitude. 

Simple, Yet Descriptive Movie Titles

Jonny Prophet and I believe more movies should follow in the footsteps of Snakes on a Plane and Back to the Future; simple titles that easily summarize the film. So what other movies could avoid unnecessary confusion by following this formula? Here are a few ideas:

The Legend of Bagger Vance = Magic “Black” Caddy

The Prestige = Vengeful Magician Showdown

The Spirit = Frank Miller’s Ego

The Fifth Element = French Star Wars

Face/Off = Violent Freaky Friday

The Crow = Dead Guy’s Magical Revenge

Hanna = Little Girl Killing Machine

Rat Race = It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World… Lite

Unstoppable = Train of Death

Gladiator = Spartacus

Shame = Michael Fassbender Sex Tape

Finding Forrester = ‘Black’ Good Will Hunting

The Expendables = Senior Citizens with Guns

The Expendables 2 = More Senior Citizens with Guns

Real Steel = Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots

Star Trek: The Motion Picture = Look at the Enterprise!

Who’s Your Caddy? = Crappyshack

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra = The Snake Eyes Show

Dredd = ‘Future’ Raid: Redemption

The Freshman = Ferris Bueller Meets Don Corleone

Watchmen = No Squid

File Under: Voter Fraud!

There's no way he's eighteen!

This Really Isn't Goint to Help With Those "Gay" Rumors

... and then it just gets weird from there.

(I wonder if Ernie knows Bert runs a bath house out of their bathroom?)

New Twist in the Romney vs Big Bird Debate

                                           Cousin of Mitt Romney condemns his plans 
                                                to cut funding to fellow Muppets. 
 

In a surprising development in the ongoing dispute between former Massachusetts governor and presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and Sesame Street denizen Big Bird, a family member of Romney’s has come forward with a statement of his own.

Longtime Muppet intellectual Sam the Bald Eagle addressed a crowd of raucous puppet reporters yesterday in what is fast becoming a hot-button issue in the presidential campaign. “I find it appalling that (Mitt Romney) has turned his back on his own plush and blood.  By cutting funding to Public Broadcasting, Romney will be effectively choosing Wall Street over Main Street; Main Street in this instance referring to Sesame Street. My support on this issue is firmly at the back of Big Bird, both as a fellow Muppet but also as a fellow large flightless avian.”

Sam recalls growing up with the young Mitt Romney, “Willard and I were as inseparable as cousins could be. I taught him how to count and he taught me how to furl my brow. Back then I never would have believed that he would betray his family, and dare I say it, his own kind the way he is intending.”

The news conference ended abruptly when a banana cream pie was thrown by a member of the audience, hitting Sam square in the face. With whipped cream dripping off his beak, Sam let out a long sigh, shook his head and walked off stage.

Batman's new team

via

Maybe You're a Little Too Committed to Disc Golf

                                          Watch out on the 16th hole, there's a hell of a hazard!