Batman Vs Superman - Dawn of Bitching (a Ranting Review)

So many thoughts... where do I begin. I suppose I will start with the positives. I didn't hate Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. It's gotten a lot of bad reviews and I can see why in many cases. However, I set my expectations pretty low and as such I think I enjoyed it more than many others did.

Okay, that's not the best compliment really.

There were many things I really liked about BVS... which when I use those abbreviations I instantly think Buffy the Vampire Slayer. How about BvS... yeah, that's better. BvS had a lot of great fight sequences and action, which is a given for any Zack Snyder movie. Likewise, it was pretty visually sound. Good special effects, explosions, set designs...  stuff like that.

I thought Ben Affleck did a good job as Bruce Wayne and Batman. Many will disagree with this and they are entitled to their opinions. I think he brought a believable personality to a grizzled veteran Batman, bringing brooding and intensity where needed while able to pull off the occasional Bruce Wayne alter ego for appearances. I am speaking just for the portrayal, not the actions of the character... which I will get into later.

Gal Gadot's performance as Diana Prince AKA Wonder Woman was one of the bright spots of the film. She pulled off the mysterious woman part and brought a level of charisma to her alter ego. One of my favorite moments was when she was at Lex Luthor's gala and he is rambling on about how Prometheus stole fire from Zeus. Diana Prince rolls her eyes as if saying "Dude, I was there, that's not how it went down!" I don't know if that was intentional but I thought it was great.

Gadot especially shined as Wonder Woman. She wasn't in her armor for long in the film but it definitely left an impact. She brought a battle intensity and warrior. One of the best lines in the movie was when told Doomsday was from another world she replies "I've killed things from other worlds before." Just all nonchalantly. I also love when she was battling Doomsday, beyond her war cry and warrior approach to battle. I especially loved that part where she gets knocked away by the monster and she gets that grin like "finally a worthy opponent!"  It makes me excited for the Wonder Woman movie next year.

There were a few little things I liked. I like how they introduced Kryptonite. It makes it much more plausible that the stuff would be more available than the meteorite theory in the comics. I really liked how people's complaints about the extreme violence in Man of Steel was the driving force of the plot of BvS. That was clever. I also thought our 24-7 news cycle, (which by the way was also in The Dark Knight Returns, one of the inspirations of this movie), played a big part in the conveying public opinion and brought an interesting feel to their world. I did think it was weird, though, seeing real life newscasters like Anderson Cooper and Soledad O'Brien instead of DC news characters like Vicki Vale and Jack Ryder (aka The Creeper).

I will also say that the actually fight between Batman and Superman was pretty well done. It was brutal, yet methodical. I thought it was a better personification of such a battle than we would have actually gotten to be honest. Yes, an amoral Superman would kill Batman like nothing, but when Bruce gets a chance to plan ahead, all bets are off. It seemed pretty believable the way it went down.

Then we move on to some of the less good things about the movie. I'll start with a small one. For some reason it was shown that Metropolis and Gotham City are across a bay from each other. Um... no. They are close in the way that Philadelphia is close to New York City, but they're certainly not twin cities! It makes even less sense if you stop to consider how these cities would have formed. Most likely one, probably Gotham, would have had a booming population while the other was left smaller. At that point, Gotham would have likely absorbed Metropolis into it. At the very least you would have a Dallas-Fort Worth situation where one major city bleeds into the next. Like I said, small but I wanted to point it out.

As I feared, there was a lot going on in the movie. This at times felt way too much like Amazing Spider-man 2. BvS kept shouting out to everyone "HEY! We're making more movies! We're doing a Justice League movie! Hey! Check it out, a Justice League cameo!" The "meta human files" felt really forced. I would have much preferred to be introduced to Flash, Aquaman (or as we like to call him... Aqua-Drogo!) and Cyborg through films, not 30 second clips. It means Justice League will have that much more work to do in introducing a super fast kid, the King of Atlantis and a cybernetic guy... okay the last one isn't tough. But consider how much time we have to waste on them rather than developing the plot and villain.

 I am still unsure why Lex Luthor wanted Batman dead. Maybe he figured two birds with one stone. His reasoning with Superman made sense. Batman didn't seem like that big a deal to his world, the only connection between them was that terrorist Russian guy. 

Speaking of Lex Luthor, Jesse Eisenberg's performance was... interesting. I will admit that he wasn't as bad as I thought he'd be. He was actually pretty captivating on screen. However, this is not a Lex Luthor I would be intimidated by. This is Lex Luthor if he appeared in the Adam West Batman series! He was a conniving manipulator, but he never had any confidence.

Remember in Now You See Me when Jesse Eisenberg told Mark Ruffalo? "Always be the smartest guy in the room." That was more of a Lex Luthor moment than nearly anything I saw of him in BvS. I kept remembering Gene Hackman's amazing performances as Luthor in the older Superman films. This was a guy that was confident that he was the smartest guy in the room. He wasn't a babbling, mumbling all over the place weirdo. When he said he was the greatest criminal mastermind the world has ever known, you'd believe it! I kept hoping that Eisenberg's wacky performance was just a Trojan Horse, that he's pull out a Kaiser Soze moment and suddenly reveal himself as someone truly threatening... it never happened. He had a good plan and some good moments, but I could never take him seriously.

Yes, I am holding firm to my belief that Ultron from last year's Avengers movie made for a better Lex Luthor than Jesse Eisenberg!

There was one major problem that I had with the film is that Batman is kind of a hypocrite. This goes beyond Bat-fleck using guns, which is an extremely strict no-no for the character. Batman accuses Superman of being careless and reckless, using his God-like powers as he pleases at the potential catastrophic detriment of mankind, as evidenced by the end battle with General Zod. The only problem is that in BvS, Batman repeatedly causes copious amounts of collateral damage in his vigilante pursuits. In one scene he is chasing down a secret LexCorp delivery of Kryptonite, during which he lays waste to vehicles and buildings, pretty much anything in his way, to get what he wants... and yes, this includes killing a lot of bad guys.

Near the end of the movie, he lures Doomsday over to Gotham City! He's seen the amount of damage the monster can do, but he thinks it is a good idea to bring the monster toward a populated area. I understand he was trying to retrieve the Kryptonite spear to try to kill it, but he could have had someone else get it and bring it to him! See, the whole using your powers responsibly goes both ways. Batman doesn't have powers, but he has a hell of a lot of weapons and vehicles which compensate and sometimes exceeds the abilities of those with super powers.

Warning: You are now entering the Spoiler Zone! If you haven't seen BvS yet, you might want to stop reading NOW!

About Bruce's dream... I get it was supposed to be some kind of foreshadowing, but it was just an incoherent mess. Watching the movie, I wasn't sure if it was meant to be prophetic or just Bruce's warped paranoid vision of the future. Though seeing those parademons was awesome... they look cool.

Then I guess he was visited by the Flash... I think? I assume it was and most others do as well, but he didn't look like any Flash I had ever seen! Is that going to be his costume for Justice League? I'm confused.

So Lex adding his blood to Zod's corpse made Doomsday? That means that if Superman and Lois Lane ever had a child, it would be a horrible monster, right? Yes, I know the ship had the rejuvenation thing or whatever that was, but the fundamental building blocks of the "abomination" were human DNA spliced with Kryptonian. I'm just saying...

Just as Batman is about to deal the fatal blow to Superman, he exclaims that "They're going to kill Martha!" I get that they wanted to connect Bruce and Clark to unite them, but why wouldn't Superman have said "They're going to kill my mom!" Why at that moment did he call her by her real name? I call bullshit on that!

As for how it ended... I have gotten the feeling that Warner Bros. has wanted to kill Superman for a while. Before Superman Returns their was talk of doing a movie of The Death of Superman. Even Superman Returns teased killing him. So I guess they've finally done it. Kind of an odd way to start the Justice League franchise.

Why does Martha Kent have Clark's funeral at her house... does Smallville not have a funeral home? That is such an outdated custom. And... okay, I have to say it... bagpipes? Really? Why bagpipes? Kent doesn't strike me as a Scottish last name. It just struck me as weird for some reason.

Lastly, Jonny and I hope that they are setting up Darkseid to be the bad guy in Justice League (it is heavily implied). We think Darkseid may resurrect Superman and if so, he could be the bad guy of the Justice League Part 1... like the Elseworlds story Dark Side Superman! That would be awesome!

So in closing, I don't think BvS is as bad as many reviews would suggest. It was entertaining. It could have benefitted from more humor. Lex Luthor as your main source of comic relief is weird. The biggest problem I see with the movie is that in a film where the characters are trying to find their humanity, the movie itself has little humanity within.

I am getting a general impression of Zack Snyder's DC movie universe. It's bleak, dark, extremely violent and full of superheroes that frankly don't give a shit. Batman freely brands criminals or outright kills his enemies with guns. Superman, who doesn't seem to give a fuck about Truth, Justice and the American Way, is willing to risk the lives of countless people if Lois is at risk. Wonder Woman would rather go into exile for nearly a century than fight to bring peace to the warring world of man. I fret to see how dark Flash and Aquaman's films are.

It's a huge contrast to the Marvel films. Marvel's movies feel like they are set in our world. The characters tend to feel real. Superman and Batman feel like archetypes that are always bogged down in their own drama. The key here is that Marvel films don't to take themselves too seriously.  It allows them more wiggle room in their own epic story as well as the potential for humor. Not everything can or should be the serious, dark tone of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight. Warner Brothers, Zack Snyder and David Goyer need to reevaluate how their universe is perceived because in the end, we're talking about comic book characters... it's escapism, not realism.

Live Action Casting - The Justice League

I had really meant to have this up last month but life got in the way, especially in the last week. (See, if I had one of those Black Lantern rings that wouldn't be an issue!)  So, here we are with the culmination of our months long project... the Justice League movie.

The roster for the Justice League is as follows:

Man of Steel has already established Henry Cavill here (in all his crotch bulging goodness) as Supermen...

and Ryan "2 Flops in 1 Week" Reynolds as Green Lantern.

Here are the other members we introduced in earlier Live Action Castings:

Alexander Skarsgard as Aquaman

Gina Carano as Wonder Woman

Patrick Wilson as The Flash

and Armie Hammer as Batman (which seems doubtful since he apparently doesn't want to play him.)

In this movie we would also add Cyborg to complete the current New 52 Justice League...

For Cyborg we pick Michael B. Jordan. Its funny because we picked him long before we heard he was chosen to voice Cyborg in the "Flashpoint Paradox" animated movie that just came out! We loved him from Parenthood, though. His performance in Chronicle only sweetens the casting for me.

Now for the main villain of the film, we are going back to the puppet master from Wonder Woman's movie Ares, played by Javier Bardem.

But Justice League will feature three other villains. The first is Maxwell Lord...

We want Luke Evans for Maxwell Lord. You may recognize him from Immortals or as the bad guy from Fast and Furious 6. He's a good actor and can play the master manipulating millionaire businessman with ties to the clandestine government organization Checkmate.

The second is Professor Ivo...

Michael C. Hall seems like a great candidate to play the twisted genius Professor Ivo. Granted, Ivo's role in the movie would be limited, it would establish him for future movies... possibly involving a certain "amazing" android?

The third isn't so much a villain but a whole mess of villains...

The OMACs, an army of robotic soldiers created to neutralize metahumans, will play a major role in the movie.

What follows is just a basic idea for the plot that Jonny and I came up with. If I were to actually write this, it would have to be enhanced greatly, with locations and subplots, to be a fully functioning story. We think its a great concept, so without further ado, here is what we came up with...

The movie would begin in S.T.A.R. labs where Dr. Stone is working with Professor Ivo are working on a breakthrough in Artificial Intelligence. Stone's son Vic (the future Cyborg) comes to speak to his father when an explosion occurs in the lab. Vic is mortally wounded and Ivo is (seemingly) killed with much of the research destroyed. Dr. Stone quickly uses what robotic technology he has save his son's life.

While at a fancy humanitarian fundraiser Maxwell Lord seeks out Bruce Wayne to offer him the "oppurtunity" to get in on the ground floor by helping to fund what he calls "a worldwide peace-keeping deterrent."  He won't divulge any further details but does admit to already having a major benefactor. Whane Wayne asks "Who, Luthor?" Lord replies "Bigger." Wayne politely rejects the offer until he can know more about the project. Lord walks away with a smirk. His nose begins bleeding, but he immediately stops the flow with a handkerchief.

Soon after, blue robots begin to attack various metahumans like Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash and Green Lantern. All of these robots feature adaptive means of taking on their opponents such as being equipped to to match Aquaman's speed and strength underwater while resisting deep ocean pressures. A robot takes on Superman, matching his immense strength, speed and durability. Batman shows up (I am assuming they would be friends by the end of Man of Steel 2) to disarm the robot with an EM Pulse grenade. Batman and Superman investigate the source of these robots.

It is revealed that Maxwell Lord has quickly risen up the ranks in the clandestine Checkmate organization and become its Black Bishop. Lord has been displaying the power of the OMAC project to other leaders of Checkmate (the various attacks on heroes, the OMACs sight capabilities also record what they see). He claims it to be a project to subdue the rising threats that metahumans have to the rest of the world. Lord goes onto explain that with the 'generous' permission to use of WayneTech's satellite, they can provide worldwide coverage.The White Bishop (Amanda Waller) is suspicious and decides to investigate Lord's newfound status and plans.

Superman and Batman follow the clues to S.T.A.R. labs where they meet the rebuilt Vic Stone (Cyborg), his new body built using the OMAC technology that was being developed. Vic is helping with the clean-up and efforts to get the advanced laboratory back online, partially by his own accessing of the computer systems to recover lost or damaged files. Vic tells his father as well as Superman and Batman that there seems to a lot of files missing concerning the manufacture and artificial intelligence research his father and Ivo had been working on. A small group of OMACs appear and fighting breaks out. Cyborg ends up being helpful in the battle. Cyborg should accompany Superman and him in order to stop the robotic menace.

Maxwell Lord arrives at his massive OMAC building factory and a massive super-computer to coordinate them. It is revealed that Professor Ivo survived the explosion, though not without suffering disfiguring injuries. The mysterious benefactor, remaining in shadows, tells Lord that he obtained Ivo along with the research necessary. Now it Lord up to him to get the Brother Eye system online. Maxwell Lord states that not only everything is going according to plan, but he is stepping up the attacks on metahumans. With this, Lord launches several more OMACs.

An OMAC attacks Green Lantern when Flash intervenes. They work together to defeat the robot. Wonder Woman arrives in Metropolis seeking Superman's help against the increasing robot attacks. Another OMAC appears and after a brief battle, is grabbed by the tentacles of a giant squid and smashed to bits by a blue whale... signaling the arrival of Aquaman.

Amanda Waller and an army of Checkmate agents storm Maxwell Lord's OMAC facility, citing suspicion of psychic persuasion on her fellow agents and superiors, evidenced by Lord's repeated nosebleeds after every encounter (an earlier scene would have shown Waller reviewing video records from the Checkmate 'Castle' headquarters). With a smile, Lord confesses. He is about to launch a swarm of OMACs on Waller and company when the benefactor stops him; he steps out into the open (revealing to the audience that he is Ares). The God of War decides to take them on by himself, something he hasn't had the joy of doing in quite some time. Ares kills the entire Checkmate squad by himself but only wounds Waller so that she might be able to witness the fall of man before she takes her final breath. Maxwell Lord, in a state of shock, wonders who his benefactor really is. Ares tells him that he is a God and that mortal men such as he should know that loyal servitude is the only thing that will keep his head attached to his neck. Then Ares commands Lord to launch an OMAC attack on Checkmate's Castle headquarters, resulting in an awesome, but one-sided battle that sees most of Checkmate killed... all witnessed by Waller. The OMACs then access Checkmate's computer files on every metahuman in the world.

Our details get a little hazy here. I'm not sure where Maxwell Lord's headquarters is nor where the future League members should congregate (probably Metropolis). Batman will find out that his alter ego Bruce Wayne actually did supply the information for his company's satellite to get jacked by Ivo and Lord, due to the latter placing a mental suggestion in Wayne at the fundraiser. The satellite aligns with Brother Eye's coordinates and activates 10,000 OMACs, which Ares has launched to attack every metahuman from the Checkmate files. Superman, Batman, Cyborg, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash and Green Lantern are forced to team up to both launch an assault on Lord's OMAC complex and fight off hundreds of the robots. There will also be scenes from around the world of other metahumans battling OMACs such as Booster Gold, Hawkman, Zatanna, Plastic Man, Shazam and more (setting the stage for more movies!).

After defeating a few hundred OMACs, the Justice League is met by Ares, whom Wonder Woman instantly recognizes and attacks. The God of War knocks her into a building, then proceeds to explain to the others that his strength increases when there is conflict across the Earth. Since the age of Gods ended centuries ago, he has been far weaker. Humans can only generate so much of the violent energies he needs to thrive, so he laid low and sowed the seeds for all out global conflict. (He almost succeeded twice.) Recently, he found that the rise of metahumans has brought him strength not felt since those days of old. Basically, with his newfound strength and invincibility, he's going to conquer the world of men.

Ares magically summons his full armor and takes on Superman, Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Aquaman in a huge fight that sees the God of War holding his own against them all. Batman takes on Maxwell Lord in a distraction so Cyborg can break into Brother Eye and disable the OMACs. Not sure how, but the good guys win (really not sure how Ares will be stopped, but I would want him to return in a third Wonder Woman movie called "Fall of the Amazons" cuz that sounds awesome!). Cyborg disables the OMACs, Batman kicks the crap out of Maxwell Lord, Professor Ivo escapes. More shots of other super heroes having defeated OMACs or just fighting them when the robot shuts down. Waller is rescued, but it implies she now has a deep distrust for metahumans. In the end, the Justice League forms.

Look for future installments of Live Action Casting that will feature some of those other superheroes in the DCU. Until then, Stay Strange.

Toaster's Ramblings - San Diego Comic Con Edition

So the San Diego Comic Con has ended. What was once an actual convention involving comic books has now become little more than a pop culture drive-by shooting. Its like Cannes for geeks, except instead of showing films, we get clips and Q & A panels. Once upon a time Jonny Prophet and I wanted to attend SDCC, but now it seems like a clusterfuck... nothing but crowds and lines and the desperation to be part of something limited to a few hundred seats or a few thousand exclusive copies. Not really our cup of tea.

As with any SDCC season, we are left with lots of news and trailers and such. I figured I would touch on a few tidbits and highlights that stuck out to me this year.

- Bryan Cranston is a freakin' genius! He attends the convention dressed as his character Breaking Bad Walter White! Nobody is going to expect the guy wearing the Bryan Cranston mask to actually be Bryan Cranston! But now that this trick was revealed, I just fret that future attendees doing cosplay might be assaulted by ravenous fans. Remember, just because he's wearing the Spider-man outfit doesn't mean its actually Spider-man.

- In speaking of Spider-man, Fox is just pumping out those films, aren't they? As long as they are as good as Amazing Spider-man, I'm okay with them squeezing out every last drop of life before they lose the franchise to "the Mouse."

- I call bullshit on Hasbro releasing the first of their 6 inch Star Wars figures (something I have wanted for years) as a SDCC exclusive. I call even bigger bullshit that its Boba Fett! WTF?! Okay, sure they said Fett would be re-released in the exact same colors in Wave 2 of the actual set, but come on! Plus, I doubt that one will have Han Solo in carbonite! Now I just have to wait for Wave 2 and not give into the temptation to drop a hundred or more on the exclusive. (I'm not that strong, dammit!)

- DC comics is apparently dropping 4 comic lines from its 52 line-up. They claim to be unable to support that many lines at once (Jonny and I think that number to be a lot lower... like around 30, but nevertheless). So now they can't be the New 52 anymore. Now what do I call them? How about the "Oh, Great... 48"? I think it can catch on.

- So the Thanos clip at the end of Avengers was for Guardians of the Galaxy? I guess that's cool. Kind of an odd cast. We have buff Andy Dwyer as Star-Lord, Batista as green Batista... I mean Drax the Destroyer. (Oh, Mr. Bautista? I'm sorry, Drax might be able to take Thor, but no way he can beat Hulk. Not gonna happen.) Michael "Merle Dixon" Rooker as Yondu? Yondu was part of the future GotG team! Lee Pace, the pie maker from Pushing Daisies, is Ronan the Accuser? That's just weird to me. Benicio Del Toro is awesome, but I don't know about him as the Collector. The whole time I'll have "flashbacks" to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. (As your attorney I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my suitcase.) Zoe Saldana as Gamora is probably the best casting I have heard for the flick.  

- So GotG is going to have the team itself along with Ronan the Accuser, another Kree Accuser (whose name I forget and don't feel like looking up), Nebula, The Collector and Thanos? I hope this doesn't get too bogged down. Hmmm. I wonder if Fox has the rights to the Shi'ar since they were affiliated with the X-men?

- BTW, Karen Gillan with a shaved head? Still hot.

- I'm cool with Avengers 2 being 'The Age of Ultron', but I've heard that Dr. Henry Pym is not Ultron's creator. Considering that Pym is getting his own movie soon (Ant Man) that's just stupid. Why not introduce him early on? Please don't tell me Tony Stark made Ultron. Iron Man does not have to be the center of the Avengers universe you know! Wait, do you think the dunce cap wearing robo-arm that Stark has evolves into the human hating Ultron all because Tony was an asshole to it? Now that would be karma!

- I'm glad that Warner Bros. is not releasing Justice League in 2015 like I had heard, but 2017 isn't that much better when (unless they plan to count the Green Lantern flop) Man of Steel is the first movie leading to it! And Superman vs Batman in Man of Steel 2? I'm not sure how that will work, both in making sure Batman doesn't come across as a villain and him actually fighting the most powerful man on Earth. It does seem desperate, though. Sad that the only DC Superhero movie currently planned between 2015's Man of Steel 2 and 2017's Justice League is The Flash. I guess Wonder Woman and Aquaman will have to pop up real quick in Justice League. I'm sure it won't take long to explain the Amazonian warrior princess demigod and the half Atlantean king in a 120 minute movie... just so long as there isn't a villain. (The first movie is about them becoming a team. You'll have to wait for the sequel for them to fight anyone.) 

- X-men: Days of Futures Past looks more and more like it will be a train wreck. Jonny and I both cringed at Right after Bryan Singer took over for First Class director Matthew Vaughn, he made Jonny and I cringe upon saying "Days of Futures Past is going to fix the problems with First Class." What problems, Bryan? Okay, there was a little bit of continuity problems like Alex "Havok" Summers being Cyclop's younger brother who was in the 60's before Scott was born or Emma Frost being an adult in the 60's and a kid in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. But beyond those, First Class was the best of all the X-men films as far as Jonny and I are concerned. Honestly, Mr. Singer, I would be more concerned with fixing the problems of X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Those movies had real problems.

And now I will leave you with this simple message from your lord and master... Loki.

All hail Loki.

Prophet and Toaster’s Weird Heroclix Teams

When an established superhero dies, it leaves a void that that is sometimes filled by a newcomer taking up the mantle. Perhaps this person was a sidekick or maybe just inspired. Sometimes they are chosen somehow by universal forces beyond their understanding. Whatever the case, they have big shoes to fill as…

The Replacements

We begin with who could arguably be the leader of this group, Dick Grayson. After Bruce Wayne was believed to be dead, but in reality was just a dumb storyline where he was wandering through time, Dick Grayson decided to honor his mentor and wear the cape and cowl. The DC 75^th Batman, the only one as Grayson, is a great, well-rounded piece with Charge that turns to Flurry, free Smoke Cloud, Flight and back dial Perplex. (There will be a lot of Perplex on this team, never a bad thing!) Overall, it’s a solid Batman, regardless of who is under the mask.

Next up is who I would think of as second in command. Much like Batman, everyone thought Captain America died, but I guess Steve Rogers was trapped in a dimension or some bullshit like that. I honestly don’t care and would have left him dead as it paved the way for “Buck-Cap.” James Buchanan Barnes AKA Bucky AKA Winter Soldier took up the red, white and blue mantle of his good friend by becoming the new Captain America. To save points and keep the build under 800 points, I decided to go with the Gravity Feed version of Buck-Cap. For fifty points, he is an ass-kicking piece with Charge, Flurry, Close Combat Expert and a 6 range. With a little perplex and someone using Telekinesis to move Buck-Cap into battle, this most-likely overlooked piece will do some damage! But who will supply the TK?

How about the guy who for a time was the only Green Lantern after Hal Jordan went all Parallaxy? (By the way, that’s totally a word now!) The Kyle Rayner piece I am choosing is from DC 75. He comes with front loaded Perplex, Indomitable and free Telekinesis when he has no action tokens. Plus he can transport the entire team with his Green Lantern Team Ability. It’s a great version of Rayner, despite Jonny Prophet’s irrational hatred toward him. Hey, at least when Kyle was possessed by Parallax he didn’t cause a crappy cross-over storyline that only further muddled the continuity of DC comics!

Ahem… moving on. When Barry Allen sacrificed himself to save the Multi-verse, “Kid Flash” Wally West graduated from sidekick status to become the new Flash. And now he doesn’t exist. Seriously? What the hell, New 52? Anyways, the DC 10^th series gave us a great version of the Wally West Flash. Beyond the obvious Hypersonic Speed, he sports Perplex and 2 special powers; the first giving him Charge, Flurry and Exploit Weakness and the other granting him a version of “Armor Piercing.” In other news, I am considering building a team of major characters who don’t exist in the New 52. (Seriously, they have 5 human Green Lanterns but couldn’t find a place for Wally West or Donna Troy?)

Next up is Hawkeye… Girl Hawkeye that is! Kate Bishop didn’t have super powers so she took up the identity of the (then) deceased Avengers sharpshooter. Even though Hawkeye returned from the dead, she still was allowed to keep the name. And hey, there’s a Young Avengers book out! Everything’s coming up roses! Girl Hawkeye has an impressive 8 range with Running Shot and the Special Power to Perplex her own stats. With the rest of the Perplex on this team to increase her attack, range and damage she could be one deadly sniper.

It took a while before Bruce Wayne let Tim Drake to fill the void left by the death of the second Robin, Jason Todd. Upon becoming the sidekick to the Batman, Drake took the name Red Robin… actually just Robin (The New 52 can suck it). His version from Arkham Asylum is both point efficient and provides some necessary Outwit right off the bat (ha!), Leap/Climb to get into position as well as Stealth to stay hidden courtesy of the Batman Team Ability. Beyond that he has 6 range with 2 targets, Smoke Cloud, Incapacitate, Perplex and more Outwit at the end of his dial. With a little Telekinesis, he can be easily placed into battle if needed. But there couldn’t possibly be more TK, could there?

Why, yes there is… brought to you by the clone of Superman and Lex Luthor. Just don’t call him Superboy! Well, I guess we have to since Superman returned from the dead (spoiler from 19 years ago!). Anyways, I chose the Reign of the Supermen version of Kon-El because it was the point where he considered himself the new Superman. In speaking of Superman, he has the Superman Team Ability which can allow him to see through opponent Stealth. He also brings with him front loaded “tactile” Telekinesis, Charge, Perplex (shocking, I know), Super Strength, Invulnerability and Close Combat Expert at various points of his dial. So just like with Kyle Rayner, you get to keep a heavy back to position others until you need him to join the fray.

The last two amazingly have kept their inherited mantles as their predecessors have (gasp) stayed dead! The first is the new Spider-man of the Ultimate universe Miles Morales. His is a simple dial with Charge and Super Strength right from the start and a trait that gives him Stealth. His modest damage stats can easily be enhanced by the abundance of Perplex on the team so like BuckCap, this rookie Spider-man can be a cheap bruiser.

The other superhero whose predecessor never miraculously came back from the dead (without a Black Lantern ring) is Blue Beetle. After Ted Kord was killed, the Scarab found a new host in teenager Jaime Reyes and unlocked its true potential. This piece should be pretty useful with Running Shot, Penetrating/Psychic Blast, Pulse Wave and the always painful Mystics Team Ability. Blue Beetle also features a one-time damage evading power, the possibility of using Blades/Claws/Fangs and self Probability Control.

You know, it’s kind of sad that out of these 9 replacement heroes, only 2 of their predecessors did not come back to life. Anyways, our build looks like this:

Captain America (CA 205) - 50

Batman (DC75 031) - 77

Blue Beetle (D10A 009) - 94

Flash (D10A 010) - 105

Kyle Rayner (DC75) – 169

Hawkeye (SI) - 57

Robin (AA) - 79

Spider-man (ASM 039) - 34

Superboy (SM) – 125

---------------------------

790

This leaves 10 points left for Feats or Relics. Given the lack of Probability Control on this team, maybe having the Reality Gem added to make an even 800 points could be useful (as long as one of your pieces rolls a 5 or 6). I haven’t had a chance to play this team yet, but with the all that Perplex, I predict it will kick serious butt.

Until next time, stay strange. 

Live Action Casting: Justice League - The Flash

 The next installment to our run-up to a Justice League movie is the introduction of the Scarlet Speedster… the Flash! Since the current Flash in DC Comics is Barry Allen, and the overall purpose of super hero movies is to generate interest in the actual comic book, we will go with Barry as well. So who do we cast as our Flash? None other than Patrick Wilson…

 Patrick Wilson is no stranger to super hero films as he was already Nite Owl II in the Watchmen movie. What we like about Patrick Wilson is that he has that nice guy persona about him, which is a major aspect to the character of Barry Allen. Sure, he can be aggressive if necessary, but Wilson, like Allen, has all the qualities we are looking for in the character; he’s attractive, he comes across as straight laced and above all a normal guy. That was one huge point to the character of the ‘Barry Allen’ Flash. He may be surrounded by aliens, Amazons, fearless aviators and brooding, obsessed vigilantes, but Barry Allen was just a normal guy, a forensic scientist working for the Central City Police Department who, through a freak accident, happened to become the fastest man alive.

 Next we cast the Flash’s love interest, Iris West. Since Iris works for a Central City television news station as a reporter, she would cover the various robberies by costumed rogues and in turn Barry would most likely break police rules and gives her scoops based on forensic evidence, just to butter her up. It could be revealed that they met a year ago at one such crime scene, setting up an anniversary date that Barry ends up being late for… a common theme to his character and one of Iris’ pet peeves about him. (Perhaps he’s late because of the accident that grants him his powers?) I’m not looking for anything major for casting Iris. She needs to be pretty and capable and smarter than the stereotypical damsel in distress.

So for the part of Iris West, Jonny and I choose Rachel McAdams. She is pretty and not a half bad actress. I enjoyed her in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. Also, she already played opposite Patrick Wilson before in Morning Glory, as a television news personality no less. She would be great for the part.

A major side character in Barry Allen’s life is Iris’ adoptive father Ira West. Ira is a professor at the local university. He is a brilliant physicist, but a bit scatterbrained at times. Above all, he is a kind and trustworthy man that Barry Allen, a former student of his as well as his daughter’s boyfriend, has come to view as a father figure. What’s important is that Barry ends up revealing to Ira his super speed abilities. Ira West helps Barry develop the Flash persona by creating an expanding friction resistant costume for him to wear and a ring that can conceal or expel the costume to quickly change into his heroic persona.

Jonny and I both fell in love with casting Henry Winkler as Professor Ira West. He’s the right age and seems like the nicest guy, not to mention that he can totally play the father figure type (remember him opposite Adam Sandler in The Waterboy?)  Above all, he seems like a guy you could trust your super hero secret identity to. Jonny and I would.

There will probably be a flashback or two involving Barry Allen’s father Henry Allen. Henry was a police officer that was accused and imprisoned for the murder of his wife and Barry’s mother Nora. Henry Allen was a huge role model for Barry even after he was found guilty and sent to prison where he died. One of the reasons for Barry’s work in forensic science is to try to exonerate his father from those charges.

This part could easily be cast by an unknown, but Jonny, likely due to his nostalgia for Magnum P.I., wants to cast Tom Selleck as Henry Allen. That works for me.

 In an attempt to sow some future seeds (and establish a Teen Titans movie down the road), I want a cameo from Iris’ nephew Wally West. I’m guessing he would show up later in the movie once the Flash has been established as a super hero in Central City as in the comics Wally was a huge fan of the ‘Scarlet Speedster.’ Of course, super speed is something of a destiny for young Wally, but that will be in another movie.

 For Wally West, I want Colin Ford. You may have seen him in We Bought a Zoo. I know him as young Sam Winchester on Supernatural. From what I’ve seen, Colin is a good actor and has a great look. I think he would make a great Kid Flash. 

When casting the villainous Rogues, Jonny and I wanted to go simple, since a good chunk of the movie was already being spent of Flash’s origin. We decided to go with Rogues that required the least explanation. With this, we start with arguably the greatest and most obvious to put on film… their leader, Captain Cold.

 Len Snart, aka Captain Cold, is one of Flash’s greatest villains and a pretty complex one at that. He leads the Rogues with a code of honor such as no drugs and no killing women or children as well as to look out for one another like a sort of super villain union. For Captain Cold, I want an actor who can play a smart but often ruthless criminal.

 Jonny and I agree that the right man for the job is Jason Clarke. We’ve seen him in movies like Zero Dark Thirty, Lawless and Public Enemies. He is a really good actor with a lot of range and can easily play a ruthless leader. Just watch his ‘discomforting’ interrogation scenes at the beginning of Zero Dark Thirty and you’ll agree.

I do like the Captain Cold character, but I just don’t think he can carry a Flash movie as its only villain, not to mention that there are so many Rogues it seems a shame to limit the film to just one. Again, Jonny and I wanted Rogues with basic explanations, nothing too elaborate that could get lost in Flash’s origin story.  So to illustrate the camaraderie of these Rogues and their ability to team up to make Flash’s life a living hell, the Captain will be joined by three others.

 The first is George “Digger” Harkness, better known as Captain Boomerang. His backstory is basic and his weapons are pretty self explanatory. Plus, Captain Boomerang is a well known Flash antagonist that will be great to see on screen.

For Captain Boomerang, I am going with Simon Baker. You may know this Aussie from The Mentalist. Not only will he have the necessary accent, but he has the acting chops to be that second-in-command to Cold and a strong on-screen presence to face off with the ‘Scarlet Speedster.’

 Next is the Trickster. I am going with the newer version of the Trickster, the Axel Walker version, because he is current in the comics. Plus, I came to love this Trickster from the Final Crisis supplemental mini-series “Rogues Revenge.” He was just so irritating. So to add some comic relief to the villains, I want to find an actor who is adept at humor but can also be annoying as hell.

 Yes, that is a picture of Lucas Cruikshank. No, I have not lost my mind. Here’s my reasoning. Everything I have seen Cruikshank in (and by seen, I mean commercials) he is playing an extremely annoying character. Whether it’s that high talking idiot man-child Fred or his current Mork from Ork the planet of morons character Marvin Marvin, his Nickelodeon shows always seem so stupid that to even attempt to watch them would kill more brain cells that crack. That’s why he’d be perfect for the part. Lucas Cruikshank already looks a little like the Trickster with the blonde hair and skinny build, the guy obviously has some level of comedic timing and we know he can play an annoying prankster that can be a thorn in the Flash’s side. Besides, it would bring me great joy to see Cruikshank’s Trickster get smacked upside the head by Captain Cold and Captain Boomerang!

 The last Rogue to round out this group is Mick Rory, better known as the pyromaniac Heat Wave. As with the others, Heat Wave doesn’t require much of a back story. He’s a flame obsessed psycho who became a villain to have an excuse to use fire for nefarious reasons. Honestly, Heat Wave could be cast using an unknown since he is one of the lesser known Rogues, but to keep with the spirit of Live Action Casting, I have decided to use an actor who brings with him a bit of a cult following from the television show Supernatural.

 Yes, I have cast Heat Wave with Jensen Ackles. You may know him as Dean Winchester from the aforementioned show. Ackles can bring the character a kind of intensity that he has mastered from killing demons for several seasons. I think he would be a great fit for Heat Wave. 

As far as the plot for the movie goes, we would find out that Central City has been besieged by a crime wave courtesy of costumed criminals referred to by the media as “Rogues.” These criminals are armed with unique and often brilliant weaponry used to outsmart and overwhelm the police. It would appear that the city his helpless against these super villains.

Barry Allen works for the Central City P.D. as a forensic scientist who is tasked with trying to piece together how these crimes are being committed and the technology being used. While working late one stormy night, Barry is severely burned after being doused by chemicals struck by a bolt of lightning.  (I would probably tweak this origin slightly to create a slightly more plausible scenario without straying too far from the comics.) He wakes up in the hospital with doctors fearing he has severe nerve damage and will require plastic surgery. However, Barry is fine and completely healed with no sign of the accident having occurred. After leaving the hospital (and a lot of baffled physicians), Barry discovers he has the power of super speed. I’m sure what will follow will be that whole “Oh my God, I can’t believe I can do this!” part which is standard in any super powered super hero movie.

Concerned for the well being of the police officers attempting to stop these Rogues, Barry decides to wear a ski mask and use his gift to stop a bank robbery from none other than Captain Boomerang.  Part of Boomerang’s gang is Len Snart, who was hired to create a particle accelerator device to break into bank vaults. Captain Boomerang and his gang are defeated by what witnesses describe as being so fast it “moved like a flash!” Len Snart manages to escape.

With Central City buzzing about the “Flash,” Barry Allen reveals his super powers to his former professor (and girlfriend’s father) Ira West and asks his help in creating a costume to conceal Allen’s identity. Soon, the Flash is busting up more robberies. We see him thwart the Trickster and Heat Wave. Contrary to how most vigilantes are received, the Flash is viewed as a hero by the citizens of Central City. Even the police are hesitant to bring the Flash up on criminal charges. However, Len Snart sees his opportunity for power and wealth.

Snart uses cyclotronic particle accelerator technology to create a freeze gun that can stop the Flash dead in his tracks. He uses this gun to break Captain Boomerang, Trickster and Heat Wave out of Iron Heights prison under the condition that he becomes their leader and is addressed as Captain Cold. Together, the four Rogues create a plan to trap the Flash. Captain Boomerang, Trickster and Heat Wave will lure the Flash in where he will unsuspectingly be frozen in a wall of ice by Captain Cold. At that point, the Rogues will have the city at their mercy. Iris will probably somehow end up being the Rogues’ hostage as further bait for Flash to confront them. Inevitably, the Flash defeats the Rogues and all is well.   

As a bonus, Jonny wants some sort of after credits cameo by Green Lantern to tease the Justice League movie. Plus, it establishes that Green Lantern and Flash already know each other before that movie begins so there is less to explain. It also helps set up the classic “Brave and the Bold” team-up between the two.

So that’s what our movie of The Flash would look like in a nutshell. Catch our next Live Action Casting for the Justice League movie as we reboot a ‘dark’ franchise into a whole new direction.

Until then, stay strange!

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas...

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas I saw on DVD… the Justice League episode “Comfort and Joy”

On the heels of the successes of Batman the Animated Series and Superman the Animated Series, a new series comprised of DC’s premiere superhero team the Justice League debuted on Cartoon Network. Justice League continued Warner Brother’s and Bruce Timm’s animated DC universe by bringing in new interpretations of classic characters and huge story-lines involving some of the biggest super-villains around. Most importantly, Justice League continued to deliver the great writing that made the preceding shows so amazing.

  “Comfort and Joy” begins with Superman, Green Lantern John Stewart, Hawkgirl, Flash and Martian Manhunter helping save an otherworldly civilization from certain doom. Once the threat was taken care of, the group adjourns to celebrate Christmas in their own ways. The episode is split between three storylines; one involves the Flash, the next Superman and Martian Manhunter and the final one Green Lantern and Hawkgirl.

Green Lantern shows Hawkgirl, a warrior from the planet Thanagar, what the Earth holiday means to him. After an epic snowball fight involving each using their powers, Hawkgirl takes Green Lantern to a distant world to show him what she considers a good time. They end up in a bar full of various types of extra-terrestrials. This good time that Hawkgirl was talking about is to start a massive bar brawl, in which every creature joyfully takes part. In the end, the experience clearly brings John Stewart and Hawkgirl closer together, as the series continually hints that they end up together.

Flash goes home to Central City to visit an orphanage. The kids desperately want a sold out toy called DJ Rubber Ducky, an electronic doll that talks and makes farting noises in the form of a dance beat. Flash vows to get the toy for the kids and eventually manages to get one from the manufacturer in Japan. On his way back to the orphanage, Flash encounters a museum being wrecked by the Ultra-Humanite, a giant albino gorilla with the brain of a mad scientist. In their fight, Ultra-Humanite falls onto and breaks the DJ Rubber Ducky toy. Seeing how disappointed Flash is about the predicament, Ultra-Humanite helps rebuild the toy.

Feeling alone and out of place during the festive yuletide season, Martian Manhunter is brought with Superman to Smallville to spend Christmas with his parents. Still feeling like he doesn’t belong, Martian Manhunter goes around the town to see how everyone interacts and celebrates. During this time, he discovers that the warmth and joy of the season is extended to him and that even a lonely Martian can find his place.  

This Christmas episode really went above and beyond for me. There is so much to love about “Comfort and Joy.” There are great little moments within, such as learning that Ma and Pa Kent still use lead wrapping paper on Clark’s gifts so he can’t peek and a great callback to Martian Manhunter’s love of chocolate sandwich cookies from the comics. More importantly, “Comfort and Joy” really encapsulates the ideas of Christmas to me. Every time I watch it, I am left with a good feeling.

 

On the Merry Meter I give “Comfort and Joy” a full 10 out of 10.

This concludes my Twelve Days of Christmas cartoon episode reviews. I hope you liked them. It was fun to watch many of these over again, some of them I hadn’t seen in many years! Hope you all have a Merry Christmas. (And for those who don’t celebrate Christmas, have a good December 25^th anyway.)

Stay strange everyone.  

Prophet & Toaster's Weird Heroclix Teams

Jonny Prophet and I both play Heroclix. We love to create unique teams based on weird ideas or themes and then try them out… often times against other weird teams. So I thought every so often I would share one of these forces to give all you Clixers some new ideas and inspirations next time you want to play a fun game. I am starting with one of our favorite teams… the Dark Justice League.

Not to be confused with the New 52’s Justice League Dark, the Dark Justice League was inspired by Marvel’s Dark Avengers. Jonny and Prophet and I have debated and play tested many candidates to join the team and this is the best one we came up with. So let’s imagine that DC went the same direction as Marvel during the “Dark Reign” event and the bad guys took over. Who would join a villainous version of the Justice League posing as their heroic counterparts? This is our line-up:

First off, I would assume that this new version of the Justice League would be formed by Lex Luthor (much like how Norman Osborn is now Marvel’s Lex Luthor). I have gone with the soon to be released updated version of Lex Luthor in his Battlesuit in the DC 10^th (Heroclix) anniversary set. This allows him to be a threat when on the battlefield and also brings a similarity to the robo-armored Iron Patriot.

Now Luthor would need to find someone who hates Superman to be his field leader and Man of Steel imposter. I imagine he could convince Zod to not so much work for him but to work with him. Plus, you just know that both would be plotting their own betrayal. I have gone with the only true Zod made in Heroclix, the super rare from the Superman set.

I am not really sure if Luthor could convince the Wonder Woman hating sorceress Circe to work for him, what with her hatred of men. However, Luthor is good at striking deals with powerful beings (i.e. Brainiac). I bet he could sign her on as a Wonder Woman imposter, perhaps with the promise that she could punish some loathsome males in the process.

The imposter for Batman was a topic of lots of debate and uncertainty… then it dawned on me. Lex Luthor could totally hire Deathstroke to work as his Batman and get him to dress in an interpretation of the Caped Crusader. Hell, Deathstroke is a mercenary after all. Plus, he hates Batman! Not to mention, few on the planet (save for Batman himself) can go toe to toe with Slade Wilson. It’s a slam dunk if you ask me, especially when you use the amazingly effective new Deathstroke from the Justice League 52 gravity feed set!

Zoom is kind of a no-brainer for Flash, being the Reverse Flash and all. Luthor could convince him to “replace” the Scarlet Speedster with ease. Now, I’m not sure if he would be “Professor Zoom” Eobard Thawne or Wally West’s version of Zoom as Hunter Zolomon. But both are similar in power to the Arkham Asylum Zoom, so I would just go with that.

For a while I went with a yellow ringed version of Sinestro as Green Lantern, but in the New 52 he is a Green Lantern, so now I am going with the great movie version from the Green Lantern Gravity Feed set. I’m guessing Luthor could sign up Sinestro if it meant he could disgrace his former protégé and nemesis Hal Jordan… or get some semblance of power over humans. That way Luthor can say he’s the Green Lantern of the new Justice League and guess what? He is.

I’m going to be honest here… the weak link of this team is making Ocean Master the new Aquaman. I didn’t want Black Manta because he just isn’t right, plus I don’t think he can do what Arthur Curry does anyway. I had considered King Shark, but Jonny brought up that Luthor needs to pass him off to the public as the ‘new’ Aquaman. You can’t do that with a big shark man. But Luthor could easily convince Arthur Curry’s jealous half-brother to usurp his Aquaman persona and being basically human, he could look the part. So we went with the DC 75^th Anniversary set’s Ocean Master. He’s alright, not great though. The best he has to offer is probability control if he is in the water.

Lastly, since he is now a part of the New 52’s Justice League, I have to replace Cyborg. One might suggest Brainiac, but Luthor would want someone he can control. He would know that Brainiac would just be bad news. (The way Osborn should have known that convincing the Void to possess Sentry to do his dirty work would end badly. But hey, nobody said Norman was as smart as Lex!) So the easiest fit and most logical would be someone who has worked for Luthor before… Metallo. Now what’s great is that the newer Metallo isn’t just a cyborg with a Kryptonite heart. He can morph his body, meld with machinery and even control computers! He is basically an evil version of Cyborg! And the Brave and the Bold version of Metallo is plenty evil enough to round out this team.

So here they are… your Dark Justice League!

(D10A020) ‘Battlesuit’ Lex Luthor (analog to Iron Patriot/Norman Osborn) – 160

(SM053) Zod (as Superman) - 188

(AA045) Circe (as Wonder Woman) – 149

(JL52020) Deathstroke (as Batman) – 120

(AA036) Zoom (as Flash) - 130

(GLGF005) Sinestro (as Green Lantern) - 135

(AN027) Ocean Master (as Aquaman) - 65

(BB033) Metallo (as Cyborg) - 182

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1129 out of 1200 (71 points left for feats)

Try having them go up against the New 52 Justice League (probably minus Lex) or have them all fight the theme worded (1183 point) Dark Avengers team.

Until next time, stay strange.

Toaster's Top 10 Rogues Galleries

Jonny Prophet and I have ridiculous geek conversations, such as analyzing who would win in a fight between Superman and Goku (it depends on what level there powers are at). One such topic was debating what superheroes/superhero teams have the best set of super-villains. So being insane from sleep deprivation, I will now reveal my top ten rogues galleries!

Honorable Mention: Legion of Superheroes – This might seem like an odd pick, and true that none of these characters are that well known, but the Legion has a great set of unique villains almost exclusive to them. You have Cosmic King, Lightning Lord and Saturn Queen, as well as fellow Legion of Super-Villain Earth Man, followed by the Fatal Five consisting of Emerald Empress, Mano, Validus, Tharok and the Persuader. Then you have a heavy like the immortally evil Mordru and the mysterious Time Trapper.  I think the LOS have a great villain set that exceeds many others in terms of originality and impact.

10. Invincible – Okay, this one is a pick just for me. I have fallen in love with the Invincible comic. Its great writing and memorable characters remind me why I love comic books. While Mark Grayson hasn’t been on the scene for very long, he has accumulated a great set of villains including at one point his own father Omni-Man. Invincible has also had to face the Martian army of Sequids, Doc Seismic, Titan, the Lizard League, the Mauler Twins, Conquest, Powerplex and possibly his biggest threat… Angstrom Levy. One of the reasons why I pick Invincible’s rogues gallery is that over time the comic actually follows their lives and progression. Rather than a baddie popping up to do evil then disappearing we often see a glimpse into their lives. We find out how Angstrom Levy came to be and why he hates Invincible. We see how Powerplex was created by the ‘ripple effect’ of Invincible’s actions. It makes for great storytelling, which is something many comics today really lack.

9. Justice League – Here’s the thing about the Justice League… they don’t have many of their own villains. Seriously, they fight Lex Luthor (who is Superman’s villain) and Gorilla Grodd (Flash’s villain) and Deathstroke (a Teen Titan villain) and Dr. Polaris (a Green Lantern villain)… starting to see a pattern here? True, they have fought Despero and Starro and every time Darkseid comes around it usually isn’t just Superman who gets involved, but how many reoccurring villains do they really have? It seems like their biggest threats are one time mega villains like Imperiex or Nekron. I include the Justice League because by default they have a good rogues gallery mainly because its members attract their own villains.

8. Justice Society – Now the Justice Society of America, on the other hand, have a great set of unique villains from various time periods. Just for starters there are Injustice Society members like Vandal Savage, Johnny Sorrow, Icicle, Gentleman Ghost, Shade, and Per Degaton. How about Black Adam? That’s pretty bad ass. You can also add Eclipso, Solomon Grundy, Ultra-Humanite, and more recent villains Extant and Gog. What I love about the JSA rogues gallery is that they have a classic feel and a lot of variety. Somehow I get the feeling that Earth 2 will lose something in its “translation” of them (if Solomon Grundy’s any proof).

7. Superman – Okay, aside from the obvious Lex Luthor and Darkseid, Supes actually has a great set of baddies, many of which are exclusive to him in one way or another. This includes Intergang, the Parasite, Toyman, Bizarro, Mr. Mxyzptlk, General Zod, Kryptonite Man and newer foes like Livewire, Cyborg Superman and Doomsday. Many of his rogues gallery get overlooked, but considering how few are actually evil cop-out versions of Superman (and in Bizarro’s case he’s actually more complicated than that) I would say he has a great variety. (Hulk villains should take note.)

6. Avengers – Yes, the same could be said for the Avengers that I said for Justice League… the members attract their foes. After all, the first villain the Avengers fought was Thor’s nemesis Loki. And how many times have they fought Captain America’s baddies like Red Skull and Baron Strucker? But the reason I place the Avengers higher than the JLA is that they have some great villains all their own. For starters, how about the time travelling despot Kang or the evil robot Ultron? Baron Zemo may have started a Cap villain, but his Masters of Evil put him above the pack. Add to that the Wrecking Crew and the Lethal Legion. I personally feel that the Avengers have better villains than the Justice League. Feel free to dispute that statement, but I can’t think of very many JLA baddies that compare.

5. X-Men – These uncanny mutants might only have this spot because of my love of the X-man (they were what first got me into comics, after all) but I think they have a great array of villains. First and foremost is Magneto, easily one of the greatest super-villains of all time. Combine that with Brotherhood of Evil Mutants alum like Toad, Blob, Mystique and Pyro, then add the Juggernaut! Don’t forget the Sentinels in all of their various incarnations (Nimrod, Bastion and Master Mold). Not convinced? Okay, try the Dark Phoenix, Mr. Sinister, Apocalypse and his Four Horsemen and the entire freakin’ Hellfire Club! By the way, you can credit most of these great characters to writer Chris Claremont’s legendary seventeen year run on the book.

4. Fantastic Four – The Fantastic Four have a slew of great villains, some the most legendary in Marvel Comics. However, I give them spot number four because of one supervillain in particular… Dr. Doom. I honestly think he is the greatest super-villain ever. He encompasses everything you want in an over the top bad guy. Evil genius? Check. Magic powers? Check. Intimidating armor and mask? Check. Long flowing cloak? Check! Now, their villain roster doesn’t stop there by any means. You can also add Galactus, Namor (at times), Terrax, Annihilus, Mad Thinker, Dragon Man, Mole Man, the Fearsome Four, Puppet Master, etc. Without a doubt this quartet has some of the best bad guys around.

3. The Flash – I could not possibly forget the rogues gallery so legendary they got to just inherit the name Rogues… the villains of Central City. Flash’s villains are really unique in that most had no super powers (at least until lately) but relied on gadgets. For instance, Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, the Trickster, Heat Wave and the grand daddy of the all Captain Cold all used various weapons and gadgets to commit their crimes and attack the Flash. But then there are those with powers like Professor Zoom (or Hunter Zolomon Zoom), Gorilla Grodd and Tar Pit. Flash has a wildly inventive set of bad guys and what I find really interesting is that the Rogues (the core group at least) is really like a criminal “union” where they operate not necessarily as a team but do live by a code of standards and ethics. That alone makes Flash’s set of villains truly unique in the world of comics.

2. Spider-man – The Web-slinger has some of the most diverse and iconic villains in comics. Start with Norman Osborn, whether he is just a asshole corporate mogul or as the evil Green Goblin, he has had a massive impact in not just Spider-man’s life (Gwen Stacy anyone?) but also the Marvel Universe (especially as of late as Bendis has made him the Marvel equivalent of Lex Luthor). How about Doctor Octopus or his band of fellow villains that made up various incarnations of the Sinister Six, such as Electro, Sandman, Kraven the Hunter, Mysterio, Hobgoblin, and Vulture? Add Rhino, Shocker, the Lizard, Scorpion and mob bosses like Silvermane and the Kingpin. Of course, this leads to Venom and Carnage who radically altered both Spider-man’s books but, in a way, comics in general. (They were two of the biggest pre-cursors to the ‘extreme’ 90’s era.) I highly considered giving Spider-man the top spot but I can’t… and we all know why.

1. Batman – The Dark Knight has, easily, the most well known and iconic set of villains ever. A lot of this due to the successes of television and movie franchises making so many of them household names, but even the less well known characters carry a great deal of depth and variety. Ask a random person on the street to name at least three Batman villains and I bet they could… hell, they could probably name five. Of course you have to start with everyone’s favorite… the Joker, definitely one of the greatest villains ever. From there are the usual suspects like the Riddler, the Penguin, and Catwoman. From there we move onto the more secondary villains that are still pretty well known thanks to movies and cartoons, a list that includes Two-Face, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Scarecrow, Bane and Ra’s Al Ghul.  Even his more obscure villains interesting such as Killer Croc, Clayface, Firefly, Professor Pyg, Hugo Strange, and the Mad Hatter. I could go on and on, but why bother? Anyone could have guessed Batman’s baddies would be on top. Honestly, it really came down to notoriety. Batman’s villains are not only extremely unique, but are far more famous than Spidey’s. Not one of the Webhead’s rogues are even close to the fame of the four baddies in the original Batman movie (Joker, Riddler, Penguin and Catwoman) and that puts Batman’s rogues gallery on top.

So there you have it. More proof that Jonny Prophet and the F’N Toaster are massive geeks with no lives. Tune in for future geek topics like “If Shazam (Captain Marvel) is doing some chick and when he climaxes yells out “Shazam!” would he turn back into a little kid and how awkward would that be for the woman to realize she is basically a pedophile?”  

This shit keeps us up at night, people!