For today’s review we
travel back in time… or forward to the future… or I guess laterally toward the strange
futuristic middle ages world that is Asgard and its hunky, muscular, vaguely
Australian hero named Thor. Wait, is Asgard a world or a city? They talk like it’s
an entire realm, but it just looks like an overly elaborate city on film. What’s
the deal? If that’s all there is to Asgard, what do they eat there? Or do they
just go to other realms via the rainbow bridge and pillage their crops and
livestock? That seems more likely, being Viking gods and all. Anyways, here is
our review of Thor: The Dark World.
As always, there will
probably be spoilers, but don’t worry. The secret that the smoke monster is
actually Titus Welliver is safe with me!
Toaster’s Contribution: To adequately critique the
new film, I think I need to explain our problems with the last one. Jonny and I
have 2 big gripes about the previous Thor installment. The first is the same as
any superhero film; you have to spend time to give the back story of the
characters. In Thor’s case, the filmmakers had to donate a lot of time to the
back story. After all, it’s a little harder to explain a magic hammer wielding god
from outer space as opposed to, say a meek soldier given a secret serum to make
him into a superhuman. I think that having to give the origin in the first film
is why the sequel to (most) superhero franchises is better. The second, and
bigger problem, is what the first Thor film did with the rest of their time.
The movie had a dumb, quite under-whelming plot that saw Loki with an evil plan
that made no sense (he was going to win Odin’s love by doing the same thing
Thor got yelled at for?), the extremely intelligent Jane Foster become giggling
girl putty at the sight of a nice set of abs and Thor change his entire
perspective on life, honor and what it means to be a king in, oh, about an
afternoon. The highlight of the movie was the Destroyer, which by comparison
really wasn’t a long enough segment.
Now this is a point of some contention, but Jonny and I
really didn’t think Loki was used (or directed) well in the first Thor.
Honestly, we thought Tom Hiddleston was completely miscast… that was until we
saw The Avengers. Loki was perfect in that movie. We then decided Kenneth Branagh
simply didn’t know how to direct the character as clearly Joss Whedon hit it
out of the ballpark. So, that is an additional problem that we had with the
first film.
Thor: The Dark World didn’t have these problems and as a
result was able to tell a compelling and action-packed story. In fact, a lot of
complaints one may have had against the first movie were improved upon. Natalie
Portman’s character actually served a major purpose to the story. Kat Dennings
got much more screen time. Thor’s Asgardian allies, such as The Warriors Three
and Sif, were all given the spotlight at certain points. Even Heimdall, played
by the always awesome and underrated Idris Elba, was given a chance to show how
much of a bad ass he could be. Loki was used to excellence, his character given
a major part in the story. We also got to see a lot more of the realm of Asgard,
with its weird mix of medieval weaponry, magic, laser cannons and spaceships.
That’s a really weird mix. Sometimes I thought I was watching He-man. Hey, that
would be a cool battle… Thor vs. He-man! (Thor may have the edge in that one given that
he can fly.)
If I had to complain, it would be about the amount of time
spent with the movie’s villains Malekith and the Kursed. Let me start off by
saying that Malekith’s army, the Dark Elves, looked extremely creepy in those
lifeless, black-eyed masks. Those could haunt my nightmares. The 9th
Doctor himself Chris Eccleston played Malekith, the leader of the Dark Elves
who had a serious obsession with a universal force known as The Aether and it’s
ability to help him plunge all of existence into permanent darkness. (Maybe
like Mr. Burns he owned a nuclear power plant and stood to make a killing without
sunlight!)
Eccleston made for a great baddie. At times he commanded a
Terrence Stamp Zod swagger along with his booming voice. I would have liked
more time with Malekith though. I also would have liked more of his uber-minion
The Kursed. (Think if the Batman villain used his venom, but instead of
becoming bigger and stronger, he became Doomsday!) The Kursed was awesome, a near-unstoppable
force that was resistant to almost any weapon and whose touch would suck the
life from you. His battle with Thor felt too short, though. Granted, I’m not
sure how long Thor could have stood up to the monster, but such a build-up
deserves an epic battle. In contrast, Thor’s final battle with Malekith was
pretty great. It was given a good amount of time and felt every bit as epic as
it should have. I just would have liked some more scenes with Malekith leading
up to the climax to further cement his presence as a threat. Loki, who wasn’t
really even a villain in The Dark World, had way more screen time than both
Malekith and The Kursed combined!
That said, my complaints are pretty small. Thor: The Dark
World definitely earns its place as one of Marvel’s best superhero films,
possibly ranking third after Avengers and the first Iron Man. Of course, we
will have to see how Captain America:
The Winter Soldier ranks. The trailer to that movie looks incredible!
Alright, I have
received a message from Jonny Prophet from deep within his volcano lair in the
South Pacific. I will attempt to translate it for you…
Jonny’s Contribution: I love Loki and would totally
want to be in his kingdom. Thor 2 corrects many of the problems with the first
film, but I still have 3 questions… 1. Why didn’t Doctor Who just use his
Tardis? 2. Why didn’t S.H.I.E.L.D. get involved in London? And 3. Why no Beta Ray Bill?… no Beta
Ray Bill, no peace. Creepy elf masks rule!
Jonny went on to
proclaim that Jaimie Alexander would make a great choice to play Wonder Woman.
We would still love Gina Carano, but Alexander would be amazing. Her portrayal of
Sif definitely won us over as a candidate for the Amazon warrior princess.
As for those
questions, I’ll bet I can answer them for him. 1. Because he’s not Doctor
Who, he’s Destro! 2. S.H.I.E.L.D. was too busy not going after
the Mandarin in Iron Man 3 & 3. Weird horse-headed space Thor requires
more time to explain than this movie would have allowed. I mean, just imagine…
Thor – Come on, we have to fight the evil Dark Elves before
they destroy the universe! Oh wait, a weird robot horse head guy oddly dressed
like me has arrived to help.
Beta Ray Bill – ‘Sup.
Until the next review… Stay Strange!
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