Why SKYNET is the Stupidest Super-Computer EVER!

Based on the Terminator franchise, Skynet is the name of a US military super computer that absorbs and processes so much information that it creates a “technological singularity” or as the films like to say “it became self-aware.” Since Skynet had access to all of the United States’ weapons of mass destruction, it started a nuclear holocaust to eradicate the only threat to its existence… man.

Except Skynet screwed up.  Despite having access to all of man’s recorded and prehistoric history, the knowledge that man has survived Ice Ages, near extinctions, pandemics and widespread war itself, Skynet seemed to overlook the obvious fact that the human race are like cockroaches; we don’t die off easily and we tend to adapt. We’ll call this Point #1 on our stupidity list.

So let’s go to the first Terminator film. Skynet sends a Terminator robot back to the 1980’s to kill every Sarah Connor in Los Angeles in the hopes of eliminating humanity’s savior, John Connor, before he can be born. Yeah, it seems despite man’s inferiority to the machines, his lack of proper weaponry to fight such machines and his rat-like existence in sewers and ruins, Skynet is actually LOSING the war it started! 

I’m going to go ahead and call this Point #2 on the stupidity list. Skynet is supposed to be this ever-evolving computer that is smarter than man is now or ever will be. In fact, by the very principle of a technological singularity, Skynet should evolve to be smarter than every human in existence and beyond! Yet, Skynet can’t figure out how to “smoke out the rats.” Furthermore, Skynet believes that if John Connor dies, humanity will automatically lose, not taking into account man’s indomitable will to survive or the fact that history is full of names who took the reins to lead when necessary. One man is not as important as the cause he fights for. There would theoretically be others to take his place.

And now for Point # 3 on the stupidity list… Skynet sends a Terminator that resembles a 6’ 2” bodybuilder with a strong Austrian accent to 1984 Los Angeles to covertly kill every Sarah Connor in the phonebook. Yeah, that won’t raise any eyebrows. At least he was damn near indestructible since “blending in” wasn’t going to work out so much.

So the Terminator fails. What does Skynet, who is now the master of all time with it’s own time machine, decide to do? If you answered immediately send another Terminator back in time to the exact moment that Sarah Connor barely defeats the first one and shoot her in the head as soon as she lets out a triumphant sigh of relief, congratulations! You are smarter than Skynet.

No, Skynet figured it would be best to send another Terminator to kill teenaged John Connor in the 90’s. (I should point out that John should have been 7 years old since the sequel was in 1991, but whatever, Ed Furlong needs work!)  Don’t send wave after wave of Terminator to take out a vulnerable and pregnant Sarah Connor, or come after baby John, or better yet go after Sarah Connor BEFORE 1984 when she wouldn’t know to hide from killer robots. Hell, go back to the 1600’s and kill EVERYONE whose last name is Connor. Nope, we have to send a Terminator back to an age when John can actually defend himself or escape. This gets to be Point #4 on the stupidity list.

At least Skynet sent a superior Terminator model that, being made of liquid metal, can look like anyone and not look like a 6’2” Austrian bodybuilder. Unfortunately Skynet seems to make a lot of the “Arnold” models and the humans stole one… and reprogrammed it to protect young John Connor. And just like last time hijacked a time machine to send the reprogrammed Terminator back to do just that. Skynet really should have seen this coming, since Reese getting sent back in time was what saved Sarah in the first place and created John. That’s Point #5.

So Skynet fails again. Yet Skynet still hasn’t mastered the idea of time travel, that time is not linear. You don’t have to wait a few years before coming after John Connor, you can plant Terminators anywhere and at any time. Stupidity Point #6, Skynet.

So Skynet gives up on John Connor for the third abomination… er, I mean movie. Instead it sends an advanced Terminator to go after John’s future generals. Yes, because John can’t have other people attack robots. When did his subordinates become just as important as Connor himself? See, this is the point where Skynet really needs to re-evaluate it’s strategy, because it sounds like if Connor can command any random person to pick up a gun and suddenly that human is a huge threat… you’ve probably lost the war. This is Point #7 on the stupidity list.

So let’s go to the horrid Terminator Salvation to see what Skynet’s strategy in the future really looks like. Right off the bat, I am giving Skynet another stupidity strike (that’s Point #8 for those keeping score) because in this movie, people were moving around all over the place. Humans were driving cars, flying helicopters, riding in submarines… where were the robots? Skynet should be raping the Earth’s resources and recycling scrap metal from ruins in order to make wave after wave of killer Terminator armies. Humans shouldn’t be able to move so freely, they should be afraid to leave their bunkers. They shouldn’t be able to peek around the corner without being shot at.

Now the motorcycle robots were cool. They seemed fast and deadly, very useful. Why the big robot? I understand it was used to capture humans, but did it need to be so massive as to paint a 5 story tall bull’s-eye on itself? I mean, come on Skynet, you’re at war too. Is it possible that a super computer can be cocky?... so cocky in fact as to make giant walking targets for the humans to shoot at and say “That’s cool, I can make more!” Imagine how many human-sized Terminators Skynet could have made from just one of those giant culling robots… imagine how many covert cyborgs could have infiltrated their underground? Bad use of resources Skynet, that’s Point #9.

Oh and I have to bring this up. Skynet can’t find the human’s base of operations? It has satellites, flying machines… and damned snake robots swimming in the lake next door to their secret hideout, yet it can’t find it?  Now before I add the next point I will play devil’s advocate for a moment. Maybe Skynet knew the location of the human resistance base. Maybe it was lulling them into a false sense of security until the time to strike. Maybe Skynet just didn’t see them as much of a threat. Well I can certainly see why Skynet ends up on the losing end of things. Seriously, is Skynet just cocky? Perhaps all that human war history it absorbed into it’s memory banks should have revealed that there is a difference between conventional warfare and guerrilla warfare. While Skynet wages a somewhat conventional strategy, the humans do hit and run and even terrorist strategies. You don’t bide your time when it comes to dealing with guerrilla fighters. If you have a chance, you strike hard and fast. Why? Because guerrilla fighters have the tendency to move around and be very erratic. It’s how they survive. Skynet again fails history and is doomed to repeat it (Point #10).

My last point of stupidity is Marcus. What the hell was that? I mean, yes the character was stupid, but I mean why did Skynet go with that particular plan? Marcus was created to lure John Connor to a base… that John Connor was already lured to by the fact that hundreds of humans (including his future father Reese) were being held prisoner there. What’s worse, Marcus was able to override his programming to help John escape and then save his life. Why was Marcus able to rid himself of Skynet’s controls? Why wasn’t Marcus programmed to, oh I don’t know, KILL JOHN CONNOR? Or anyone for that matter? You would think the fact that he, a convicted killer, was chosen to be turned into this cyborg would mean there was no conscience to get in the way of offing a few freedom fighters. And why did he have a functioning heart to give to John? Why did Marcus need a heart to live? He’s a damn cyborg! Ugh, that movie just frustrates the hell out of me. 

So there you go, 11 reasons why Skynet is the stupidest super computer ever. I don’t know if it learned how to be cocky or if it is distracted by playing an endless game of Bejeweled, but it seems Skynet’s incompetence will be enough to keep the human’s resisting for many films to come.

It’s sad when I wish James Cameron had MORE involvement… ugh.