Apparently “Stupid Decisions with Bear Grylls” has come to
an end. The show Man Vs. Wild isn’t actually ending, Bear Grylls was just
fired. So I have to now wonder, is there a line of survivalists waiting for
their chance to wear urine soaked shirts on their heads and sift through dung
for edible undigested seeds? I suppose there is seeing as how you have Survivor
Man and some other shows whose names escape me. But Man Vs. Wild won’t be the
same without Bear Grylls and his proper English accent and that occasional look
on his face that said “Oh God, I can’t believe I’m about to do this.” I loved
those moments.
Discovery Channel says that Bear was fired for refusing to
take part in some projects that he was contractually obligated to complete. Now
lets let that sink in for a minute. Bear Grylls is a man who eats dead animals
he finds on the ground, has eaten eyeballs and raw organs of such animals and
drank his own urine from a snakeskin. What the hell kind of projects were these
that Bear Grylls would draw the line and say no?
I can only speculate what these projects were, but these are
my best guesses:
Man Vs. Taliban – Bear Grylls sets out to wage a one man war
against the Taliban while trying to survive in the harsh mountainous terrain of
Afghanistan.
Man Vs. Tiger That Hasn’t Been Fed for Days In a Small Cage –
The title really speaks for itself.
Man Vs. Wild: Glenn Beck Edition – Bear Grylls has to take
television and radio personality Glenn Beck with him to survive in desolate
regions all the while hearing Beck’s conspiracy theories, doomsday paranoia and
comparisons of Nazis to various people, animals, plants and rock formations.
Man Vs. Detroit – Bear Grylls
is dropped into Detroit with only a pair of
overalls, a Rolex and a bandana with the Dixie
flag on it.
Man Vs. The Moon – Bear Grylls is left on the moon despite
his complaints that there is no water or food or oxygen there.
Personally I would like to see the Man Vs. Wild concept
takes to the next level. The new host can be Travel Channel personality and
food aficionado Adam Richman. It will be called Man Vs. Food Vs. Wild. I’m
picturing Adam Richman in an eating contest against a bear. The winner gets a
t-shirt and his picture up on a wall of fame. The loser gets eaten… probably by
the bear. Come to think of it, Adam Richman might not want to take that job.
I will miss you and your stupid decisions Bear Grylls. Now I
may never know how to survive in the middle of the African desert while I
wonder why I am actually in or would ever be in the African desert. I hope you
can find another job where your survival skills and willingness to eat gross
things will help you succeed.
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