Dear Gerard Butler,
Stop making romantic comedies. Every rom-com that you have been in has been a bomb. To be honest, the best case scenario is that you make a hit romantic comedy and then are type-casted into a slew of those insipid contrived celluloid travesties. Look, I want to like you. I want to be a fan of Gerard Butler, but then Playing For Keeps happens… or The Ugly Truth. You were awesome in 300. You were great in The Rock ‘n Rolla (by the way, when is The Real Rock ‘n Rolla coming out?) I didn’t see Gamer because I have already seen The Running Man. And that’s another thing; you really need to pick better roles. When you aren’t making cinematic brilliance with Katherine Heigl (yes, that is sarcasm, I didn’t just suffer a stroke) you take parts in obscure and often straight-to-video projects like The Machine Gun Preacher, which despite the awesome title I am told it is disappointing. There is this huge trend of making big budget super hero movies. How about jumping on board one of those? I’m not saying a super hero movie is necessarily art or will ever get you closer to critical acclaim, but they might keep you from becoming a pop culture footnote. You’re better than that. There was a time when Matthew McConaughey fresh off Dazed and Confused was seen as having potential. Now he’s largely a punch line (though his recent turn of indie films has me curious). The same could be said for a young Kate Hudson after Almost Famous. I can’t remember the last time she wasn’t in some lame romantic comedy. Don’t let this happen to you! Let Josh Duhamel make the shitty rom-coms, he has nothing to offer the acting world except bland performances and generic good looks. But I see potential in you. For the love of God, start living up to it!
The F'N Toaster