More of Toaster's Ramblings

So the New Year is upon us... 2012... and what a year it will be. We have the Summer Olympics in London that I am not looking forward to, the United States Presidential elections which always bring out the worst in people, some hopefully awesome movies like The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers and Prometheus (Michael Fassbender!) will come out. Maybe we will even get new albums out of Modest Mouse and Muse. Yeah, it's shaping up to be a big year... until December 21st when THE WORLD ENDS!

I have lived through many ends of the world and raptures that failed to take shape. I also seem to recall something about computers thinking it would be the year 1900 and for some reason launch nuclear weapons on their own. But nothing compares to this doomsday prophecy. Why? Because the freakin' Mayans predicted it! You know, that old civilization in Mexico that was really good at math and stuff? Their calendar just ends on December 21st, 2012. IT JUST ENDS!

You know what that means, right? No, it doesn't mean that the guy making the calendar got bored and said "that's good enough cause it's like hundreds of years from now and someone will pick up where I left off." It means that the world ends.

Okay, so yeah, modern day Mayan ancestors insist that the date only represents the beginning of a new era. But what do they know? Their ancestors couldn't predict those Spanish guys were going to destroy their civilization, so there! Oh, wait, I may have just shot my own argument in the foot. Well, regardless... the world is ending. I mean, there have been books written about the topic. BOOKS! That totally counts for something. I mean, it's not like anyone wrote books about Y2K.

Uh... moving on.

I mean, all those other prophecies were wrong, but it only takes one to be right. You can't dispute that we're due for an apocalypse. The signs are all there. Earthquakes, tornadoes, wars, the Detroit Lions are a winning team... everything's taking shape.

So what should you do? Um... I don't know. It really comes down to how the world will end. Hollywood certainly wants us to believe it will be some sort of alien invasion. (Just please for the love of God, not those aliens from Skyline. That movie was so bad, if I have to live it I swear I will eat a bullet.) I guess we could mount some sort of resistance or hope that we give the invaders colds or something. But given how long we've been around without an alien invasion up to this point, I find that unlikely. (Not to mention, do these aliens really want to deal with the mess we've made of the planet? Talk about getting a fixer-upper!) Science points to an asteroid from space, but as long as we have Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi (suffering from "space madness" of course) and a soundtrack by Aerosmith, we'll be fine. Me? I'm hoping for something way more awesome...

That's right... Cthulhu! If the world is to end on December 21st, 2012 may it be Lovecraft's destroyer come to bring an era of evisceration to the lowly mortals named man. 
 
Otherwise... I'm afraid I'm just not interested in this latest end of the world.


("Cthulhu Rises" by Chris Lazzer on Club.Ados.Fr)